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Games are an opening to behave true to our natures, to react immediately rather than with a careful response. Depending on the other players, we may monitor our behavior less in a game than in the real world, but we aren’t acting differently. In a game there are no emotional holds barred.
In a game, we are allowed to be more right brained than logical. After all, “It’s only a game.”
Saying something is only a game tends to trivialize its importance. Precisely because we view it as trivial, and of no importance, we can give ourselves permission to let our true natures out.
When we floated this idea before a number of colleagues, several of them told us stories of self-discovery. One woman, a very sweet and kind person in “real life”, was known as “the enforcer” when she played hockey in school. Another shared that, when she plays a game against total strangers she becomes “brutal” and highly competitive.
So if our true nature comes out in a game, what can we do with that information?
Can we transform situations so that we can be true to our nature? Can we make a game out of real world situations to allow our true nature to flourish? The obvious example is to view business as a game to be won. This implies competition and a winner take all attitude
Yet Covey and others have told us about creating win-win situations. Is there such a thing as a win-win game – a game where everyone wins, where no one loses? Can you devise a game where you can put your competitive streak toward a larger goal? Can the proverbial pie be made larger? As someone said to me, to transform from “me winning” to “we winning”.
What’s the name of the game? Win as much as you can!
Who’s responsible for your score? I am!
The game Alicia played with the inmates was called “the handshake game”. She had them pair up by size, height and weight and explained the rules. “We’ll play the game for 45 seconds. You get one point when your hand taps his hip; he gets one point when his hand taps your hip.”
The vast majority of the pairs had a combined score of 0 points. A few pairs scored in the 10 – 20 point range.
But one pair scored 260 points.
The high scorers had realized that the name of the game and scoring responsibility did not define a win-lose (or “zero-sum”) game. That is, one person did not win at the expense
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